Hearing the Call
As we enter the deep heart of Autumn, we feel the loss of light and the darkness beckons us. At this time, I am aware of a familiar turn within, as the soul hears the changing of the drum beat. She is guided now, not by the light of the outer sun, but by a subtle glow of barely burning embers within.
Some of you may hear the drum calling you into the dream cave and resist it. Many of us are still scared of the dark. So much of our identity is anchored out there in other’s approval, in tangible accomplishments, and in our outer role as mother, father, or friend.
In the old myths they talk of the cinder biters – a tattered, hungry, orphaned youngster who is drawn to the quiet and stillness of a dying fire. The hungry adolescent in each of us is the one who longs to know the Deep Self and to become who we truly are but feels forgotten, unrecognized and unwanted. This part knows that when the soul is hungry for the nourishment of Self, one must lie, for some time in the ashes, stirring the cinders with a far-off look in the eye. It is right to go far away. It is a safe journey and a necessary one. It is in this quiet place that the inner world reminds us, feeds us, whispers to us of who we are and the dream of the soul. And it is here that we feed the fire. Our inward attention is like oxygen and wood to the desires, longings and visions of the soul. We need the fire, but it needs us too.
Dreams Made Real
After an abundant, productive, manifesting flurry that stretched from August til’ now, I am feeling deeply grateful for the joyful experience of making long-held dreams a reality. While I often favor the things that lurk in the shadows and more often advocate for the world behind the world – wanting to turn our culture’s wandering eye on the wild and forgotten – I must say that these last few months of producing, manifesting and living my dreams in the outer world was truly a deep pleasure: My first art show, deep artistic collaboration, a creative and rich practice, teaching/playing with a community of friends/students, and the chance to stand as priestess at two weddings. Wow. It’s been quite a ride! It is invigorating when you are living the dream and not just dreaming it.
However, this wonderful experience of my visions finding form further strengthens my dedication and value on the inner work that drives creation. Through my years of inward discipline, community ritual, journaling, listening, asking, four years of graduate school, many challenging initiations and with several stamps on my passport to the underworld – I have spent a lot of my life behind the veil.
Thirteen years ago, when I started working with Mary Swanson, I made a decision to listen to my inner voice, not knowing where that commitment would take me and doubting my path most of the time. Listening to and following my inner guidance has resulted in some radical shifts, many liberating, others quite devastating. But it is the ride that I am committed to – collaborating with my soul, my beloved, and my inner muse – riding the inner dragon is what I have signed my life over to.
It is and always will be a complex journey. I could say that it is worth it – that dreams come true – and that wouldn’t be a lie. These last two months have been truly rewarding. When the seeds we plant bloom and when our wings grow strong enough to fly we experience the creative ecstasy of the formless coming into form. It feels like magic – because it is.
And I have learned the deepest magic is found in moving with the cycles of the life. Knowing when it is time to stand in the spotlight and when it is time to walk into the forest.
And so I relish this time of year. When I begin to hear the drumbeat calling me in and down where Crone and Dreaming Bear are dancing at the fire. Here the tattered parts of my soul can rest in the ashes and I know it is time to put more wood in the hearth, stir the cauldron and feast on the stories in the flame.
As winter approaches I begin to prepare my winter cave. Soon it will be time to curl up in the stillness and for the soul to restore itself in the darkness. In this Autumnal time of transition, the leaves are turning and the soul begins to pivot. Carrying my dreamcatcher, my longings and open heart I have started walking into the darkness – wafting smoke, flickers of light and the soft laughter of an old woman are my only guides.
Questions
What manifestations in your outer world are you proud of?
What inner dreams have started to take shape in your life?
What last items do you need to cross off your list before you curl up in the winter cave?
Can you hear the drum of the inner world calling you?
Are you ready to move towards the stillness and open yourself to the visions that will dream you forward?
Thank You
I want to use this public forum to express my gratitude – as we are in the season of giving thanks. To all the unseen forces that supported me, to the guides and helpers that listened to my dreams, to the collborators that felt my call to play and showed up, to my teachers, mentors, parents, fellow seekers, peers, partners, lovers and witchy cohorts. You have all supported me and helped me craft the container that was and is ready to live this life, show up and contribute. You have kept me company at the fire of lost dreams. You have welcomed me back from my journeys. You have fed me with your courage, your visions and your twinkling laughter. I thank you with an overflowing heart.
I dedicate my successes and creations to all of you – life is a team effort.
ART SHOW // Thursday, November 17 from 6-9 pm Opening
Animal medicine paintings by Laura Tabet and Ajay Reed
The Rare Bird, 3883 Piedmont Avenue, Oakland, CA
Enjoy the Piedmont Ave Art Walk